On Kanye West, Twitter, and Chuck Norris

I’mma let you finish, but Kanye West just joined Twitter and his tweets are dope.

This Grammy winning rapper is known for his music and controversial outbursts. He dissed MTV for choosing Britney Spears over him as opening act during the 2007 MTV VMA. Barely a year ago, he pulled the “I’mma let you finish” stunt on Taylor Swift. So being a media train wreck that he is, Kanye is like a time bomb waiting to self-destruct on Twitter any minute. But before that happens, let’s enjoy his megalomania run amok on the Twitterverse.

I’m not fond of following celebrities on Twitter. The hell I care if Justin Beiber is driving a Lamborghini or if Kris Aquino decided to stop tweeting. But Kanye is officially the most entertaining celebrity on Twitter that I can’t resist the urge to follow him and even blog about him. It’s fun to see this damn clown make a fool out of himself. Kanye is also living up to his reputation as a wealthy narcissist and a label whore. Heck, he can’t distinguish there from their and his “spelling is atrocious”. Here are some of his tweets so far.

  • Is it wrong to wear a CHANEL dinner jacket with a T shirt to the airport if it's still breakfast time out here in Singapore uugh TOO LATE! (Kanye also tweets about his Lanvin sneakers, YSL suits, and vintage Hermes travel bags.)

  • Suits is an expensive addiction (This boy needs a lesson on subject-verb agreement, among other things.)

  • Avatar on the 13 foot screen ....wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!!!!! (Mind you, he’s referring to his home entertainment system.)

  • yeah.... we getting about 80 FOLLOWERS A SECOND no exaggeration!!! (Twitter is now Kanye’s playground.)

  • I think Twitter was designed specifically with me in mind just my humble opinion hahhhahaaaahaaa humble hahahahhahaahaaaa (See? I told you so.)

In my opinion, all these nonsensical shit is pure marketing gimmick since Kanye is desperately staging a comeback. Kanye, listen to your ex-collaborator John Mayer in his sage-like advice via Twitter, “Yo, @kanyewest, welcome to twitter. Try not to use it as a marketing device. Tweeps will see through it. Give them YOU." When his album drops, I bet he’ll instantly go MIA on Twitter.

Anyway, Kanye’s tweets are begging for parody so it comes as no surprise when comedian Aziz Ansari gently mocked him through the #predictingkanyetweets hashtag. Kanye himself acknowledged Aziz’s Kanyeisms saying “It's so funny how Aziz's tweets really sound like me... am I that predictable?” Below are some hilarious Kanyeisms copied in verbatim.

  • @azizansari Hans Zimmer needs 2 write a score 4 whenever I eat a cookie. when I eat cookies shit is mad suspenseful

  • @azizansari Damn I wish Hermes made edible snacks, Cheezits just ain't dope enough for my mouth.

  • @ZomgTV I wish Burberry made red flavored juice drank, cause kool aid no longer dope enough for my holiness.

  • @satokoko3105 I'm not really into money. that's why I'm using it.

  • @Australianimal next time i calls my moms, im usin' auto-tune

  • @Australianimal HEY EVERYONE! I just bought Latvia

  • @DahllaBillz I saw Inception in IMAX and realized my TV was the same size

  • @VKNG: fuck you mean I can't follow myself?

  • @KnowDC I Just put a swarovski crystal chandelier in the back seat of my benz

  • @WonderkidFb I met the Queen of England today- that mufuka bowed to me!! Y'all can't do nuttin but crown me... KING'YE!

  • @chriscbrown Screams from the haters, got a nice ring to it... I guess every superhero need his theme music!


  • @seoulove I think Twitter.com should actually be www.KanyeWest.com/twitter Just makes more sense.

  • @emcphee32 Don't you hate when you leavin' a restaurant & a poor dude begging, askin to lick your fingers? These are MY fingers.

  • @levin_samuel Genius doesn't sleep. It waits 'till morning so regular people can see how great it truly is.

  • @PinkFlufyBunny The only time the world wasn't talkin about me was during 9/11 and even then it only lasted a week

  • @criterionwhore Jay-Z wanted to see the Truffaut double feature but I insisted on Godard because when I role, I role postmodern.

  • @poorunkown Is there anyone in here that can tie my shoes, I aint tryin to bend over

  • @WonderkidFb My shit is addictive, my lyrics are dope. I got Lohan on her knees, sniffin my lines up like they're Coke.

  • @FigureInFrame On second thought a diamond-encrusted pillowcase wasn't such a great idea SMH

  • @TheJuice IDK why Cali kids always say "Ya feel me" after every sentence. When it's clear MY music is the only thing ppl feel.

  • @cfenzmuzik I bet Diddy wakes up in the morning wishing he had my POWER

  • @kanyesmug If I grabbed the mic from Miley Cyrus would any1 really care?

  • @tom9d yo grilled cheese is DELICIOUS. im hiring a grilled cheese chef for real. shits incredible.

  • @CallMeANguyener Everybody keep asking me why I got such expensive taste. Dawg my teeth made of diamonds, fuck you think!?

  • @knightmichel Shopping in a shop that just closed!!

  • @Hanzi83 why aint i the poster child for twitter.. maaannn fuck that birdd.. i can tweet... look tweet tweet


  • @FMFanboys I don't do typo's. Think of it as a new word.

  • @damion_white I guess it's time to head back to vegas/my pockets fat they splurged on cake mix....

  • @ hannaconduh I brush my teeth w YSL toothpaste. EVERYBODY'S BREATH SMELL CHEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @ddubs307 bitch i asked for 10 karats not carrots in my salad

  • @joegoodguy Just copped these Versace printed dinosaur bones..going for a pre-historic feel in my dining room.

To see more of these tweets, check out #predictingkanyetweets. Or you may also follow the braggadocio himself @kanyewest.

All these Kanyeisms remind me of a pre-Twitter dude who became the subject of the Internet phenomenon Chuck Norris Facts. The website features absolutely ridiculous and absurd heroic stunts and characteristics of Chuck Norris. So I’m ending this post with a few Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy!

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

  • Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

  • A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


Eternal Wanderer... said...

tweet adek! :P

casado said...

i hate Kanye, but i can't deny the fact that the dude is a genius! :)

Fidel Antonio Medel said...

@eternal wanderer
i think i should tweet some more. i wanna out-tweet kanye. haha.

i like kanye's earlier tracks like jesus walks, diamonds from sierra leone, and touch the sky. despite the auto-tune, heartless and love lockdown are also enjoyable. but let's admit it, the dude is a douchebag.

Wilfred said...

Kanye + Twitter = Calamity

Author said...

kanye loves publicity, just like Kris Aquino does.

Robbie said...

Darn that guy is really horrible. Hahahaha. Hate him with passion.

Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is awesome. Hahaha.

Fidel Antonio Medel said...

@llenov Kanye is an attention-whore.

@Robbie I won't dare say anything bad about Chuck Norris. Haha.


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